Feeling defeated

I'm trying not to, but I'm struggling to keep perspective right now. I put all my workouts on hold during fire academy so that I could adhere to a tight, inflexible schedule and take care of Zoe. I really only had so much bandwidth and I had to prioritize other things, and that was fine.

Matt graduated May 19, and I was ready to dive back into running. I literally scheduled my first run post-graduation in my calendar so I wouldn't miss it. 

I got three runs in during that last week of May, and they were short and unremarkable, but it felt wonderful to be back at it.

I put together my June calendar, working around Matt's shifts. Basically, the day of and after shift, I want to be home so Zoe isn't left alone first thing in the morning, before she's even been walked or had breakfast. This worked out fine, but it meant any missed run would stay missed, or need to be made up in the evening. 

Then, before I could even start my June schedule, I got sick. I'm pretty sure it was the flu. I tested negative for covid but had a high fever, congestion, and a phlegmy cough, and the cough and wheezing issues lasted well past any other symptoms. So, running was on hold again.

Such high hopes

I finally went for two miles with Sarah this morning. It was rough. I know that patience and commitment will get me back on track, but it's so frustrating to know just a few months ago I PR'd my half marathon and now I'm back on the struggle-bus.

It doesn't help matters that my body feels less healthy. I can tell that I'm weaker, and my clothes are just that tiny bit less comfortable in certain spots. I want to be back to a place where I can run four miles without thinking, and right now two feels like work.

I'm trying not to feel defeated. I'm hopeful that with a little more time I'll be right back at it. In fact, I know I will. But this part of the process feels slow and onerous, and I just want to be strong again.

Logically, I know it'll happen. But knowing that doesn't really help how down I feel at the moment.

I should be focusing on the win of getting a run in today, and not the disappointment in how hard it felt. But god, it really did feel hard.

Ali